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The Birth of Benjamin (Genesis 35:16-21)

July 20, 2021 | by: Gregg Hunter | 0 comments

Posted in: Genesis 35

Every child is a gift from God. Parents of multiple children understand that each child is special—each child is worthy of love and affection, and needs special attention from their parents. We show love to our children in different ways because they are each unique, but every parent still makes a point to show love to each child…

Or at least they should. Jacob plays favorites with his children. He honors the sons of Rachel--Joseph and Benjamin--above all of their brothers, and this leads to endless conflict within the family. This is most popularly demonstrated through his treatment of Joseph and his famous coat, but it is also evident from the time of Benjamin’s birth, as we will see in today’s Scripture passage.

 

Please read Genesis 35:16-21.

Unfortunately, death in childbirth was a rather common occurrence in the ancient world. Each couple took chance with death when they conceived a child. Jacob has been blessed so far in that none of his wives or surrogate wives have died in childbirth. But the twelfth son is the one who broke the lucky streak.

As Rachel suffered through childbirth, she named her son based on her pain (“Ben-Oni” means “son of my sorrow”). But Jacob would not endure having his son’s name constantly remind him of his beloved wife’s death. He had to change the name to something that gave him more comfort.

That point at least is understandable. The trouble comes when Jacob decides on the new name for the child. “Benjamin” means “son of my right hand,” which signifies a special place of protection and favor. In giving his son this name, Jacob was declaring that this child would have a special place of honor in the home.

Every child is special, but when Jacob lifts up one child above all of his other children, he is implying that Benjamin’s brothers are not as special; that Reuben and Simeon and Levi aren’t as loved by their father as this little baby. Jacob grew up in a home where his father favored one child over the other. He should have known better! But he passed this tragic favoritism and jealousy onto his own children.

As parents, we need to find unique ways to make each of our children feel like they are the most precious person in the world to us. But we must do this without making their siblings jealous. There are many ways to do this, but here are a few that I have found to be useful:

  1. Spend individual quality time with each child. Maybe once a month, take one of your children out on a special day, just you and him. Do something that he really likes to do. Talk with him. Listen to him. Play with him. Make him feel like the most special child in the world. Then, next month, take his brother out and do the same with him. It’s hard for the child who is left behind, but remind them of how special they will feel when it’s their turn to have quality time with Mommy or Daddy.
  2. Learn your child’s love language, and express love to them in the manner that they most clearly receive it. Gary Chapman has taken his Five Love Languages and applied them to many scenarios, including raising children. You may tell all of your children, “I love you, and I think you are the best,” but one of them may not feel as loved as the others because words of encouragement are not his primary love language. He may need you to give him a gift in order for him to feel loved by you. Learn how each of your children feel loved and then express love to them in that way.
  3. Spend time with the whole family together, while enforcing the rule that each person of this family must be treated with respect because they are so loved by you. Punish the child who mouths off at your spouse, and let them know you are doing it because you love your spouse. Punish the child who hits his sister, and let them know that you are doing it because you love his sister. In creating this atmosphere, you will enforce in each child their importance in your eyes, and the importance of their siblings in your eyes.

 

These are just some suggestions that I have found useful. There are many more ideas out there, so find what works for you. But don't make the same mistake as Jacob. In giving his youngest son the place of honor in his family, he sowed the seeds of strife that would define his children for generations. Instead, let each of your children know that you love them, and do so in their own special way.

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