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The problem with explanations.

March 21, 2014 | 0 comments

Posted in: Parenting Tags: shepherd press, jay younts, parenting, communication

Jay Younts offers some great advice on the importance of communication with your children. He state:

God has not called parents to explain but to train. Explanations often lead to frustration and anger for both parents and children. Children are not in need of lengthy, compelling explanations. What they are in need of is the understanding that God must be obeyed. Ephesians 6:4 addresses this issue:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Explanations tend to focus on getting someone to agree with you. The logic for explanations runs something like this: If I can just get my children to understand the reason for my direction, then they will be more likely to follow my instruction. While this may sound like solid reasoning, it is not. Explanations are more consistent with gaining approval and winning arguments. Neither of these are appropriate goals for biblical parenting and can lead to anger in your children as Ephesians warns against.

So how can parents seek to avoid this subtle but serious pitfall? Younts suggests:

Your goal is to have conversations not explanations. 

Explanations may be well intended. But at the root of many conflicts in families is the attempt to explain rather than to train. Don’t provoke your children to anger. Provide them with the loving instruction of your heavenly Father.

You can read the whole post HERE. It is well worth your time.

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